Songs

Puskaj pogibnu ja, no prežde
I may well perish, but first
ja v oslepitelʹnoj nadežde
Let me – in dazzling hope –
blaženstvo temnoe zovu,
Summon up the bliss I have yet to know,
ja negu žizni uznaju!
May I know life’s ecstasy!
Ja pʹju volšebnyj jad želanij!
I drink the magic potion of desire!
menja presledujut mečty!
By fantasies I am beset!
Vezde, vezde peredo mnoj
Wherever I look around me
Moj iskusitelʹ rokovoj!
My fatal tempter is there!
Vezde, vezde, on predo mnoju!
Wherever I look, he is there!
(Bystro pišet, no totčas že rvet napisannoe)
(She writes quickly, then suddenly tears everything up)
Net, vse ne to! Načnu snačala!
No, that’s all wrong! Let me begin again!
Ah, čto so mnoj! ja vsja gorju!
Oh, what’s with me? I’m all on fire!
Ne znaju, kak načatʹ...
I don’t know how to begin…
(Zadumyvaetsja, potom snova načinaet pisatʹ.)
(Pauses to reflect, then begins to write again)
Ja k vam pišu, – čego že bole?
I am writing to you – and then?
Čto ja mogu ešče skazatʹ?
What else is there for me to say?
Teperʹ, ja znaju, v vašej vole
Now, I know, it is in your power
Menja prezrenʹem nakazatʹ!
To punish me with your contempt!
No vy, k moej nesčastnoj dole
But if you have one jot of pity
Hotʹ kaplju žalosti hranja,
For my unhappy lot,
Vy ne ostavite menja.
You will not abandon me.
Snačala ja molčatʹ hotela;
At first I didn’t want to say a word;
Poverʹte, moego styda
Believe me, never would you have known
Vy ne uznali b nikogda, nikogda!
My shame, never!
(Zadumyvaetsja.)
(Pauses to reflect.)
O da, kljalasʹ ja sohranitʹ v duše
Oh yes, I swore to confine within my soul
Priznanʹe v strasti pylkoj i bezumnoj!
This confession of a mad and ardent passion!
Uvy! ne v silah ja vladetʹ svoej dušoj!
Alas! I lack the strength to subdue my soul!
Pustʹ budet to, čto bytʹ dolžno so mnoj!
What will be with me will be!
Emu priznajusʹ ja! Smelej! On vse uznaet!
I will confess everything to him! Courage! He’ll learn it all!
(Prodolžaet pisatʹ.)
(Continues to write.)
Začem, začem vy posetili nas?
Why, oh why did you come to visit us?
V gluši zabytogo selenʹja
Deep in this provincial backwater,
Ja b nikogda ne znala vas,
I should never have come to know you,
Ne znala b gorʹkogo mučenʹja.
Not would I have known such bitter torment.
Duši neopytnoj volnenʹja
The sufferings of a guileless soul
Smiriv, so vremenem, kak znatʹ?
Would, perchance, have passed with time?
Po serdcu ja našla by druga,
I would have fallen for another man,
Byla by vernaja supruga
Been a faithful wife
I dobrodetelʹnaja matʹ...
And virtuous mother too…
Drugoj! Net, nikomu na svete
Another man! No – not to any other man in the world
Ne otdala by serdca ja!
Would I have given my heart!
To v Vyšnem suždeno sovete,
Decreed by the highest authority above,
To volja neba: ja tvoja!
’Tis the will of heaven: I am yours!
Vsja žiznʹ moja byla zalogom
My whole life has been a pledge
Svidanʹja vernogo s toboj;
Of this faithful encounter with you;
Ja znaju: ty mne poslan Bogom,
This I know: you’ve been send by God,
Do groba ty hranitelʹ moj.
You’ll be my keeper ’til the grave.
Ty v snovidenʹjah mne javljalsja,
In dreams you did appear to me,
Nezrimyj, ty už byl mne mil,
As yet unseen, you were already dear to me,
Tvoj čudnyj vzgljad menja tomil,
Your wondrous gaze filled me with anguish,
В душе твой голос раздавался.
You voice resounded in my soul.
Davno... net, èto byl ne son!
So long ago… no, it was no dream!
Ty čutʹ vošel, ja vmig uznala...
As soon as you walked in, I immediately recognised you…
Vsja obomlela, zapylala,
I swooned, began to blaze with passion,
I v mysljah molvila: vot on! Vot on!
And inwardly I said: ’Tis he! ’Tis he!
Ne pravda lʹ! Ja tebja slyhala...
I know it to be true! I heard you…
Ty govoril so mnoj v tiši,
Was it you who spoke with me in the silence,
Kogda ja bednym pomogala,
When I was ministering to the poor,
Или молитвой услаждалa
Or when in prayer I sought to assuage
Tosku volnuemoj duši?
The suffering of my anguished soul?
I v èto samoe mgnovenʹe
Was is not you, my dearest vision,
Ne ty li, miloe videnʹe,
Whom in that very moment
V prozračnoj temnote melʹknul,
I glimpsed in the pellucid darkness,
Priniknuv tiho k izgolovʹju?
Stooping quietly at my bed?
Ne ty lʹ s otradoj i ljubovʹju
Was it not you who, with joy and love,
Slova nadeždy mne šepnul?
Whispered words of hope to me?
Kto ty, moj angel li hranitelʹ
Who are you? My guardian angel
Ili kovarnyj iskusitelʹ?
Or some wily tempter?
Moi somnenʹja razreši.
Dispel my doubts.
Bytʹ možet, èto vse pustoe,
Perhaps this is all an empty dream,
Obman neopytnoj duši,
The deception of a guileless soul,
I suždeno sovsem inoe?..
And another fate awaits me?..
No tak i bytʹ! Sudʹbu moju
So be it! My fate
Otnyne ja tebe vručaju,
Henceforth I entrust myself to you,
Pered toboju slezy lʹju,
Before you, I pour forth my tears,
Tvoej zaŝity umoljaju, umoljaju!
I implore your protection, I implore!
Voobrazi: ja zdesʹ odna!
Please imagine: I’m all alone here!
Nikto menja ne ponimaet!
No one understands me!
Rassudok moj iznemogaet,
Reason fails me,
I molča gibnutʹ ja dolžna!
I must perish in silence!
Ja ždu tebja, ja ždu tebja!
I await you, I await you!
Edinim slovom
With a single world
Nadeždy serdca oživi,
You can revive my heart’s hopes,
Ilʹ son tjaželyj perervi.
Or shatter this oppressive dream, alas,
Uvy, zaslužennym ukorom!
With the scorn I have deserved!
Končaju, strašno perečestʹ,
And so I finish – I dare not read it back again,
Stydom i strahom zamiraju,
I swoon with shame and fear,
No mne porukoj vaša čestʹ.
But your honour is my guarantee.
I smelo ej sebja vverjaju!
And in that honour I place my trust!